10. Upon hearing Ahmadinejad’s footsteps in Lebanon, [former Israeli Prime Minister] Ariel “Arik” Sharon rises from his coma long enough to learn that Iran is still on the road to becoming the second country in the Middle East to have a nuclear weapon after Israel. He has another stroke. Round two for Ahmadinejad.
9. Upon meeting Ahmadinejad at a fundraiser for Hezbollah, Lebanese-American Miss USA 2010 Rima Faqih assassinates him, flies back to Iran and stages a coup branded by Saatchi and Saatchi as "From Wilayat al Faqih to Wilayet al Al-Faqih.” President Faqih makes high heels, manicured nails, and makeup mandatory in Iran. Western feminists and [French President] Nicolas Sarkozy rejoice.
8. Upon throwing a rock at Occupied Palestine from the Lebanese border, Ahmadinejad misses and the rock falls with stunning force into no-man’s land. Oil begins to gush forth from where the rock landed. Immediately, Israel and Lebanon sign a peace deal brokered by Iran. An oil pipeline is built from Tehran to Haifa. Capitalism wins. Again. Yay.