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Entries in The Onion (8)


Iran Follow-Up: Fars News Apologises for Running Story from The Onion

The original Fars English story, copied directly from The Onion

See also Iran Feature: Fars News and The Onion Agree --- "Rural American Whites Prefer Ahmadinejad to Obama"

On Friday, we featured the story of how Iranian media, including Fars News' English-language site, were headlining, "Gallup Poll: Rural Whites Prefer Ahmadinejad to Obama". The small problem with the breaking news? It was taken from the satirical on-line "newspaper", The Onion.

Today, Fars English's Editor-in-Chief has apologised:

Unfortunately an incorrect item was released on our website on Friday which included a fake opinion poll on popularity rate of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and US President Barack Obama. The news item was extracted from the Satirical Magazine, The Onion, by mistake and it was taken down from our outlook in less two hours.

It is not quite a full retraction, however. The Editor continues, "Although it does not justify our mistake, we do believe that if a free opinion poll is conducted in the US, a majority of Americans would prefer anyone outside the US political system to President Barack Obama and American statesmen."

Click to read more ...


Iran Feature: Fars News and The Onion Agree --- "Rural American Whites Prefer Ahmadinejad to Obama"

UPDATE 1745 GMT: Looks like Fars English has realised that its scoop might not be real --- the story has been withdrawn from the website.

Iran's Fars News Agency has a surprise revelation, "According to the results of a Gallup poll released Monday, the overwhelming majority of rural white Americans said they would rather vote for Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad than US President Barack Obama."

Fars has ventured where no US media outlet seems to have gone in breaking this news. Mitt Romney has not trumpeted this as proof of his ascendancy. Fox News has not yet proclaimed the evidence that the Great Liberal Menace has been defeated.

Indeed, Gallup does not seem to have the poll on its website.

So where did Fars' reporters make this discovery?

Click to read more ...


Syria Breaking: Alien World Steps In...Since This One Refuses To (The Onion)

The satirical newspaper The Onion interrupts EA's normal coverage with this exclusive:

Frustrated by "the astonishing incapacity of earthlings to halt the rampant slaughter of their own kind" in Syria, the emperor of Zarklom 12 announced Wednesday he had no choice but to dispatch his own intergalactic forces from 3 million light years away to end the senseless bloodshed.

Click to read more ...


Iran Breaking: Tehran Worried US May Be Building 8500th Nuclear Weapon (The Onion)

The satirical newspaper The Onion features the latest development in US-Iranian tension over nuclear programmes:

Amidst mounting geopolitical tensions, Iranian officials said Wednesday they were increasingly concerned about the United States of America's uranium-enrichment program, fearing the Western nation may soon be capable of producing its 8,500th nuclear weapon.

"Our intelligence estimates indicate that, if it is allowed to progress with its aggressive nuclear program, the United States may soon possess its 8,500th atomic weapon capable of reaching Iran," said Iranian foreign minister Ali Akbar Salehi, adding that Americans have the fuel, the facilities, and "everything they need" to manufacture even more weapons-grade fissile material. "Obviously, the prospect of this happening is very distressing to Iran and all countries like Iran. After all, the United States is a volatile nation that's proven it needs little provocation to attack anyone anywhere in the world whom it perceives to be a threat." 

Iranian intelligence experts also warned of the very real, and very frightening, possibility of the U.S. providing weapons and resources to a rogue third-party state such as Israel.


US Feature: Government Official Who Makes Perfectly Valid, Well-Reasoned Point Against Israel Forced To Resign (The Onion)

We think this is a satirical story. From The Onion:

WASHINGTON --- State Department diplomat Nelson Milstrand, who appeared on CNN last week and offered an informed, thoughtful analysis implying that Israel could perhaps exercise more restraint toward Palestinian moderates in disputed territories, was asked to resign Tuesday.

“The United States deeply regrets any harm Mr. Milstrand’s careful, even-tempered, and factually accurate remarks may have caused our democratic partner in the Middle East,” Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said in an unequivocal condemnation of the veteran foreign-service officer’s perfectly reasonable statements. “U.S. policy toward Israel continues to be one of unconditional support and fawning sycophancy.”

Milstrand, 63, will reportedly appear at an AIPAC [American Israel Public Affairs Committee] conference to offer a full apology as soon as his trial concludes and his divorce is finalized.


US Espionage: CIA-Run Facebook Dramatically Cuts Government Costs (The Onion/Iranian Media)

The Onion explores the success of the US Central Intelligence Agency with its programme "Facebook":

CIA's 'Facebook' Program Dramatically Cut Agency's Costs

Ahh, we have some sceptical readers who are pointing out that The Onion is a satirical non-CIA operation poking fun at "news".

Really? Let's consult our colleagues in Tehran:


US Politics Shocker: 1 in 5 Americans Think Obama is a Cactus (The Onion)

Not Barack ObamaThe Onion reports:

According to a poll released Tuesday, nearly 20 percent of U.S. citizens now believe Barack Obama is a cactus, the most Americans to identify the president as a water- retaining desert plant since he took office.

The poll, conducted by the Pew Research Center, found a sharp rise in the number of Americans who say they firmly believe Obama was either born a cactus, became a cactus during his youth, or has questionable links to the Cactaceae family.

"We asked people of varying races, ages, and backgrounds the same question: 'What is President Barack Obama?'" Pew spokeswoman Jodi Miller told reporters. "And a fifth of them responded, 'A cactus.'"

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EA Flashback: God on 9-11 "Which Part of 'Don't Kill' Do You Not Understand?" (The Onion)

By 2001, many of us at the University of Birmingham had become avid followers of The Onion, the weekly satirical US on-line "newspaper". As we all tried to take in the tragedy of 11 September, we wondered if The Onion would make any reference to what had happened. Indeed, we wondered if it would appear again: a week after the attacks, there was no edition. But on 26 September, there was. Indeed, almost the entire newspaper was devoted to a darkly humourous treatment of 9-11. To do it credit, the full issue should be read --- for example, "U.S. Vows To Defeat Whoever It Is We're At War With" is a spot-on forecast ofwhat would happen as the Bush Administration moved from Afghanistan to Iraq --- but here is one of the "reports"that helped us grieve and think through what had happened. And it also made us smile.

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